When Fear Strikes
By: Katie
Today I have been feeling less than wonderful and I’ve been contemplating if I’m important, if anyone even loves me, and if there is some reason people just love to betray me, hurt me, or simply don’t want to be around me. I have had a string of close friends move away, some serious family drama, and a few old wounds that have reopened recently and it’s left me feeling broken and all alone. My worth is something that I have always questioned, and I never feel like I am enough on my own. I know that I am not alone in this feeling and I hope if this is where you’re at in your journey, you can know that you’re not alone either and that there is hope for you.
A little under two years ago, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder where I was having night terrors most nights, I was sleeping far more than normal, suffering from panic attacks, and I was displaying some severe OCD behaviors in response to even the littlest of stressors and this all ultimately landed me with an official OCD diagnosis. I was a perfectionist and terrified of every mistake and would even fear that I would die from some horrific accident when things seemed to be going my way. This isn’t something I tell you for sympathy, but to reveal something greater that is going on behind the scenes. Let me put it this way: “fear is the result of every lie”.
I don’t claim to have OCD or anxiety any longer, because I truly believe the root of it all is in the lies we believe that sometimes we aren’t even aware of, or the ones we try to hide because of the shame it brings with it. I have had so many of these in my life with a troubled past and a less-than-perfect family life. For years I have believed that I was overbearing, that I had an awful personality, and that I was terrible at loving other people. When I came to have a personal relationship with Jesus during my time in college, I discovered from people’s compliments and words of encouragement that these things I had believed so whole-heartily, that they were in fact the things I am best at. Isn’t that ridiculous?
Often, the enemy uses the very things we’ve been gifted at to bring about shame, fear, insecurities, and pain to keep us buried under the lies. The enemy wants us to live our lives being plain, being timid, and never reaching the full potential that God has designed for us to function in. The enemy wants you to live in constant chaos. God wants you to live in peace. The truth is you have a glorious purpose, and that you have a God who loves you and who is ready to redeem you where you feel the least qualified. I know this because it’s something I’ve experienced in my relationship with the Lord! I tried everything: medication, yoga, complaining, boys, etc. and nothing worked apart from Jesus. Even though there are days like today that aren’t easy and that can bring me to my knees, I am free from the fear and I can proudly say I’m no longer on OCD/anxiety meds, that I don’t wake up to night terrors every night (it’s been months since my last), and I don’t live every moment worrying about what will happen if I fail.
I’ve learned that the only power that the lies have over you is the power you give them or don’t give them to control your life. So today, join me, by choosing to live in the fullness of your God given identity. If you don’t know what this is, I challenge you to pick up a Bible, spend some time in prayer, and get in a Godly community. These are the best ways to fight the lies and to pursue the truth. This is where you’ll find life.
Blessings,
Katie
To read more about my struggles with and victories over fear check out my post, Dance With the Fear.
